The Bearseason 4 is almost hereto the excitement of just about everyone I know who has seen the show–except my mom. A former restaurant owner, my mom watched the first season of the show, started the second, and then refused to keep going. It’s not that she thoughtThe Bearwas inaccurate or bad; she had the opposite problem.
Joan Danoff owned Starland Café in Washington, DC, a restaurant that had live music every week, often hosted FBI directors and government officials (including a former senator by the name Joe Biden), and which sometimes resembledshows likeThe Bearmore than anyone would like to admit. She owned the restaurant for 10 years, working most nights of the week, before ultimately selling it. Before that, she was a fixture at other DC establishments, accumulating experience as a bartender, manager, and more.
So, at the advent ofThe Bearseason 4, I interviewed my mom to find out why she can’t watch the show.She shared the moments that hit too close to home and offered up some of her own worst restaurant stories–some of which I remember as a former busser and food runner. Plus, I found out whichThe Bearcharactershe would have fired a long time ago.
Why My Mom Can’t Watch The Bear
“I Didn’t Need To Relive That”
The Bearhas been praised by critics and viewers for the visceral back-of-house experience it brings to the forefront. But, according to my mom, as we (fittingly) spoke at her kitchen table, that’s the thing that got to her. To start, we began with a breakdown of her experience.
ScreenRant: It’s “bring your mom to work” day today. Can you describe your restaurant history and experience with all the jobs you had?
Joan Danoff: Okay. So I started out as a waitress and then became a bartender, then became a manager, and then I owned a restaurant, [all] over a span of, let’s see, 35 years.
How many different restaurants were you at?
Good question. Not that many. Maybe five. The Occidental. Class Reunion. Starland. Eight years, eight years, 10 years. So, that takes up quite a bit of time.
What was the last episode you watched ofThe Bear?
I watched [until season 2 when] they were constructing the new restaurant. They kept finding mold in the walls. They had to rip the walls out, and then I said, “I can’t.”
Why’d you want to stop?
Because the first episode was so stressful, [and that] one started out on a stressful foot, and I thought, “No.” The restaurant business was fun and very stressful, so I didn’t need to relive that.
My Mom Would Have Fired Sydney In Season 1
“I Know That Girl”
Behind the doors of The Bear (née The Beef), it’s chaos more often than not. There’s plenty of boiling, steaming, and erupting into flames–and that’s to say nothing about the cooking. But the fast, frantic pace of a busy shift wasn’t the worst part for my mother–it was, instead, the staff’s ability to handle it. That’s why season 1 episode 7, “Review”, had a particularly deep impact.
Did any part of the show make you nostalgic for working in restaurants?
No.
Why not?
Actually, yes. I really like the kitchen staff. I always liked the kitchen staff and the creativity of the chef. And if you have a good chef and the chef is excellent, you learn a lot. But also, the kitchen staff in the first episode reminded me of people that worked for me [who] were a disaster.
The girl that left–the young one who was a talented young chef–[in] the scene where they get a good write-up and then the tickets are coming through the machine on the line, and she left … my girlfriend said, “Well, I don’t blame her because the chef was mean to her.” Well, excuse me. I would’ve killed her. I would’ve chased her out the door with a knife (Note: This was an exaggeration.) I wouldn’t have even brought her back for the next season. I hated her because I know that girl.
But she came back at some point.
Well, I wouldn’t have let her back. That would’ve been it. It would’ve been like, “No, you’re dead. You’re dead to me.”
Even if she was that good of a chef?
Well, when you are in a restaurant, often there are desperate times. So you have to hire people and put up with people that you would like to fire.
My Mom Shares Her Most The Bear-Like Stories
“That’s Why I Have Nerves Of Steel”
Everybody who has worked in a restaurant has their own horror stories. Personally, those include one instance of dropping a stack of plates in the middle of a packed room and another of nearly spilling boiling hot soup all over the then-acting FBI director–and that was over a relatively short stint working restaurant shifts. The longer you’re in the industry, the more you’re bound to have experienced, so naturally, I had to ask what moments from my mom’s career were most likeThe Bear.
Joan Danoff: I had a chef and we had a wedding in the restaurant, so the restaurant was closed on a Saturday or Friday. The salad person was diabetic and he had needles with him to inject his medicine, and [the night before], the chef took one of his syringes, shot up with heroin and left. And the next day we had a wedding.
Was that [REDACTED]?
No, it was his sous chef. [REDACTED] was his name.
Was that the guy that slashed your tires?
Yes. It was indeed. The guy who left me with no chef on a day where we had a wedding.
What’d you do?
We did it. That’s why I have nerves of steel.
Do you have a restaurant story that you think would be a good episode ofThe Bear?
Do you want the story about the rat?
What’s the story about the rat?
We had [one] rat. One in 10 years. We never saw it, but it was eating the tomatoes. I had the exterminator come in [and] they couldn’t catch it. No one ever saw it, really, but they couldn’t catch it.
I remember the special that night was lobster fra diavolo. They would cook the lobsters on the stove in tomato sauce–whole lobsters. And I walked into the kitchen and the lobster was cooking, but there was nobody in the kitchen. So I went around the corner to the storage room, they had found the rat, they had it cornered, and they were not going to let this rat out alive.
There were like four of them. Well, the rat escaped and ran through the dining room out through the patio, which was full, and that was the end of the rat. So that was great because we only had one rat ever in 10 years.
It never came back?
No, he never came back. He had four guys with weapons [going after him]. But someone on the patio wrote, “Starland Café has a rodent problem.” It was one of those Yelp reviews: “Starland Café has a rodent problem” because the rat ran through the patio while they were [eating.] That was one of my favorite ones.
But I do remember walking in that kitchen and seeing the lobster boiling and no cooks and thinking, “What the f***?” I have a lot of those stories. I try to suppress them. That’s why that one with the tickets coming through [got me.] I can’t watch it.
“Not … On My Own”
Truthfully, my parents are part of why I started watchingThe Bear.They got through the first season before I did, and it was my mom’s joking that “The Review” gave her nightmares that piqued my interest. But if she’s ever going to watch it again, things may need to be reversed.
You watched the whole first season. Why?
Masochism? I don’t know. It was really good. It was a good season, but the second season started off on a bad foot for me.
Why?
Well, for all the reasons of “Everything that could go wrong, will.” When we bought the restaurant, it was closed, and we were going to go in and clean it up and do this and that.
We walked into the kitchen with [a friend]–it was maybe Easter–and there were three inches of water and grease [on the floor] because the grease trap backed up. We took her to show her at the restaurant, and then we had to mop it. We had to stand there and mop. That’s when I should have known. “Get out while you can. If you have any sense, ditch it. Paint it and resell it.”
Do you think you’re going to watch the show again?
Ever?
If you’re here to hold my hand, I might. I’m not going to on my own.
Which character did you relate to the most?
The chef. The guy whose place it was. It was his restaurant, so as a restaurant owner, I related most to him. When you own your own business, it’s totally different when you work in a business.
Do you think you’d be able to watch it if you hadn’t owned a restaurant?
Oh, probably. I mean, I worked in them for a long time, but no matter how much experience you have in the field, [it’s] nothing compared to owning your own business.
What if I said The Bear made me want to open a restaurant?
I would take you to psychotherapy. We could do joint sessions–family therapy.
You think they have therapists for restaurateurs?
Alright, is that enough?
